The Pursuit of God in Daily-ness

The Other Blog

2009-08-18T14:40:00.001-05:00

Hey all, here is where I will be posting over the next ten months. Thanks for reading!

www.battagliafenceposts.blogspot.com

Fresh Start

2009-03-12T19:38:00.003-05:00

Blog world...how I miss you! Nothing really on my mind, but I did want to give a little update and get that bittersweet last post off the top of my screen. First off, we are pregnant again! Praise the Lord!!! Tomorrow I go for my first ultrasound and so I am posting this in faith that all is well in the womb. Saturday is my sweet husband's birthday and I am really excited about seeing most of the family over the weekend. (Jennie, we miss you)! I have been exhorted by a dear friend to take a camera and lots of pictures, so I will try to be faithful to do so. I really stink at taking pictures, mainly because I am lazy and self-centered, but hopefully there will be some growth and sanctification in this area and you will get to benefit (wow, that's ambitious...take pictures AND post them to my blog...haha!).

Milestones in my recent life include the following:

1. My chickens (the ones I didn't burn up in last week's fire...oops!) are laying eggs.

2. My garden is growing things!! Peas, cabbage, broccoli, spinach.

3. I took the plunge and bought some yarn at the local yarn store, first time in months that I have even thought of knitting, and I am dreadfully behind in gifts for my two nieces and my other friends who had babies last summer...

4. Oh, this is news...I played the keyboard for church a couple of months ago...and survived. In fact, I get to play about once a month right now. Fairly stressful, but an honor to serve the church in this way. I do love to sing as well, but with my weak keyboard skills, I spend most of the time squinting at the music sheet and wondering if I am on rhythm. Perhaps God is giving me some humble pie for all of the times I grinned at my husband's mistakes. So...laugh at me at your own risk.

I can't think of any more list-type announcements, but I did think of a good purpose for writing this post. The past two days, a wonderful lady in our church has come to my house to bless me and help me straighten up. Straighten up? What am I saying?!! My house looked like an atomic bomb stuffed with dirty clothes landed on it. In fact, my house was so dirty, she left yesterday asking if she could come back to help finish today. Wow. And she told me, practically through tears, what an honor it was to come and serve. Well, friends, I have officially been schooled in loving others. My heart is so encouraged by her attitude. She embodies Christ as she walks out this verse "...in humility consider others better than yourselves" and I am sure that the Lord used her to accomplish so much more than a clean house in my life. I want to post more, but I am tired. Hopefully, I can share later how, among other things, her time in my home time has shown me what gospel-centered parenting looks like. :-) God bless.

In the Hands of God

2008-11-13T09:09:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I went in for my 14 week check-up. The midwife had some trouble finding the heartbeat, and so we walked down the hall to the ultrasound room to speed things up. As soon as the image of the baby came on the screen, I felt something was wrong. No movement, and no pulsing chest heart rhythm. The tech targeted the area of the heart to get a reading of the heartbeat. As the monitor scrolled across the screen, instead of sound there was silence. Instead of the yellow fluctuation of a pulse reading, there was a solid gray streak. I already knew, but the midwife softly said, "Taylor, I am not seeing any cardiovascular activity..." I began to sob uncontrollably. My heart broke in two and I felt so alone in that room. The women with me tried to offer comfort, but to no avail. The only comfort to be had in that time was from God, and I don't know that either of them realized this. I was taken to a room to grieve while Johnmark was called up to the hospital. I called a friend who had recently been through this tragedy and she prayed for me as I waited. God sent His peace. It has been with me ever since. Last night, we went to care group. We wanted to pray for a miracle. At least to ask our mighty God, who has the authority over life and death, to give back this baby. I know that may sound crazy, but that is okay. I wanted to place my trust in Him, even in this. As far as I know, there has been no change. The baby may not live (at least not here, I will know this child. It is a matter of when and where, not whether or no) or perhaps God has a radical miracle in store for our little world. My hope is steadfast in Him. I say with Job, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Thank you to everyone who has called, written, prayed, texted, stopped by, emailed, or just condoled in some way. God is good and faithful, and I want you to hear and see loudly this blazing testimony of His power. This has not come lightly, but it does bear witness heartily that what is in the Bible is true. In the midst of tragedy and suffering, it is true that He has been our refuge and strength and ever-present help. I do not question His goodness, or doubt His plan. He is good. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Abortion and Obama

2008-10-20T14:26:00.002-05:00

Two posts in one day is a definite record for me. This is an issue I cannot overlook. I am unapologetic about my dislike of and complete opposition to Barak Obama. I know that some of you who read this blog are planning to vote for him. Please read this link before you settle on such a man. He may sound and look good, but the issue of abortion, TRULY, reveals a heart that is evil. It is not to be taken lightly that he is considered, "the most extreme pro-abortion candidate ever to seek the office of President of the United States." Further: "He is the most extreme pro-abortion member of the United States Senate. Indeed, he is the most extreme pro-abortion legislator ever to serve in either house of the United States Congress" I do not believe it is possible in good conscience to vote for such a person NO MATTER WHAT the justification he gives for this position. Here is the link.

Pray for India

2008-10-20T11:45:00.003-05:00

The following is an email I received recently from Love N Care I urge you to read and consider fasting as well as to pray for these persecuted and martyred believers in India. This is a first hand account from a trusted personal friend of mine who serves over there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Maybe you’ve not heard about the terrible things that have been happening in several of the States in India in recent weeks. I’m sending this out to our email news recipients, because, according to one of our sources, too much of what’s really happening is getting by “under the radar.” There have been reports of violence against Christians in the State of Karnataka, and in the north of India, especially in the State of Gujarat, Over recent weeks, however, it is located principally in the State of Orissa. Below, I share one of these reports with you.

The following report is from husband and wife missionaries on the scene in Orissa. Their ministry, Good News India, is involved with rescue of “throw-away children.”It was passed on to us via friends who work with Wycliff Bible Translators. The “Dream Centers,” are, as I understand it, children’s homes. I should add, that the shootings that started this all, happened about three weeks ago.

“URGENT PRAYER REQUEST!
Dear beloved sponsors and friends
of Good News India. We have never seen anything like this. We
knew that Orissa was the most resistant and hostile State in India as
far as the Gospel is concerned. And we brushed off the continuous
threats and harassment we faced as we went about His work. But
none of our staff imagined that they would see this kind of carnage....
And it seems to be totally under the radar of the Western Media ....
Let me explain.... A militant Hindu priest and 4 of his attendants,
who were zealously going around the villages of Orissa and
"reconverting" people back to Hinduism, were gunned down by unknown
assailants in Central Orissa…. Immediately the
Christians were blamed. The cry rose up..."Kill the Christians!"
And the horror began.... In the past 4 days, we have first hand
witness to hundreds of churches being blown up or burned and many, many
dozens of Christian tribals have been slaughtered. For no other reason
than they bear the name of Christ.

“Night and day I have been in
touch with our Good News India Directors spread across 14 Dream
Centers in Orissa... they are right in the middle of all this chaos.
In Tihidi, just after the police came to offer protection, a group of
70 blood-thirsty militants came to kill our staff and destroy the home.
They were not allowed to get in, but they did a lot of damage to our
Dream Center by throwing rocks and bricks and smashing our gate, etc.
They have promised to come back and "finish the job." Our kids and
staff are locked inside and have stayed that way with doors and windows
shut for the past 3 days. It has been a time of desperately calling on the Lord in prayer.

“More police have come to offer protection. In
Kalahandi, the police and some local sympathizers got to our
dream center and gave our staff and kids about 3 minutes notice to
vacate. No one had time to even grab a change of clothes or any
personal belonging. As they fled, the blood thirsty mob came to kill
everyone in the building. We would have had a mass funeral there, but
for His grace. In Phulbani, the mob came looking for Christian
homes and missions. The local Hindu people, our neighbors turned them
away by saying that there were no Christians in this area. So they left.
We had favor. The same thing happened in Balasore.

“All our dream centers are under lock down with the kids and staff huddled inside and
police outside. The fanatics are circling outside waiting for a chance
to kill. Others were not so fortunate. In a nearby Catholic
orphanage, the mob allowed the kids to leave and locked up a Priest and
a computer teacher in house and burned them to death. Many believers
have been killed and hacked into pieces and left on the road.... even
women and children. At another orphanage run by another
organization, when this began, the Director and his wife jumped on
their motorbike and simply fled, leaving all the children and staff
behind. Every one of our GNI directors that I have spoken to said: "We
stay with our kids.... we live together or die together, but we will
never abandon what God has called us to do." More than 5000
Christian families have had their homes burned or destroyed. They have
fled into the jungles and are living in great fear waiting for the
authorities to bring about peace. But so far, no peace is foreseen.
This will continue for another 10 days.... supposedly the 14 day
mourning period for the slain Hindu priest. Many more Christians will
die and their houses destroyed. Many more churches will be smashed
down. The Federal government is trying to restore order and perhaps
things will calm down. We ask for your prayers. Only the Hand of God
can calm this storm. None of us know the meaning of persecution. But
now our kids and staff know what that means. So many of our kids coming
from Hindu backgrounds are confused and totally bewildered at what is
happening around them. So many of their guardians have fled into the
jungles and are unable to come and get them during these trying times.
Through all this, I am more determined than ever to continue with
our goal: the transformation of a community by transforming its
children. Orissa will be saved... that is our heart's cry. If we can
take these thousands of throw-away children and help them to become
disciples of Jesus, they will transform an entire region. It is a long
term goal, but it is strategic thinking in terms of the Great
Commission. What can you do? First, please uphold all this in
fervent prayer. Second, pass this e-mail on to as many friends as you
can. We must get the word out and increase our prayer base for this is
spiritual warfare at its most basic meaning. We are literally fighting
the devil in order to live for His Kingdom. The next 10 days are
crucial. We pray for peace and calm to pervade across Orissa.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please pass it on and help
us to get as many people to partner with us on this cutting edge effort
to fulfill His mandate: Go and make disciples of all nations....
Prayer works!”

As you probably know from an earlier email from Monika, there was some spill-over of all this violence, perpetrated upon one of our LNC churches. Orissa is the next State to the north, and not very far from Visakhapatnam."

Tabitha's Birthday

2008-09-26T14:24:00.005-05:00

So I was just clearing off my camera card into the computer, and decided to post a few recent pictures of our family. JM is the family photographer, so he isn't in any of the pictures, but there are some cute ones of the kids. This one is special for three reasons. First, it's Tabitha's birthday dinner. Second, Tabby and I are doing one of our favorite activities. Third, we are eating at Agua Linda (holy moly it's so good!) which is so fabulous I couldn't even put down the fork long enough to smile. Here are some more pictures from the birthday celebration:

Monthly Post

2008-08-15T12:01:00.001-05:00

I have been praying for a greater measure of joy, as well as increasing wisdom in parenting. So, I consequently have been reading in Psalms and Proverbs for my time with God. Wow. I am learning a lot about joy, its true nature and source being rooted in the gospel. I say "learning," but these are things I know already. I suppose, "experiencing the reality of this on a deeper and more foundational level" might be a better description. Joy, you see, in my functional beliefs, is largely based on getting what I want, and not really having to work for what I get. Effort, in my self-absorbed opinion, robs me of joy. So, having to do the hard work of correcting my children, responding to sinful behavior, seeking God through reading, prayer and meditation, caring for others, cleaning my house, etc.etc. or really just having to live in a fallen world, all made for some serious lack of joy. My source of joy has been a dried up well of self-effort tempered with the poor, sludgy substitute of comfort and ease. Man, where's the gospel? I think I have been ignoring it's power and function as the true source of joy. Looking over the Psalms, I am constantly reading of circumstances, emotions, and afflictions that far outdo my worst battle with a toddler. Over and over, the writer uses the truth of God's unwavering faithfulness, strength, mercy, and love (all most clearly demonstrated in His gracious response to my sin by sending Jesus Christ to suffer and die for my substitutional punishment) to strike a deathblow to his emotions, and to overpower the influence of his circumstances. The result is some of the most compelling declarations of happiness and joy, anchored outside of himself and his circumstances. If I desire that kind of joy in God, clearly, I need the truth of Scripture, most pointedly the truth of the gospel, to be poured over my thoughts and my heart. This I have in unhindered abundance through the Holy Spirit, through the Word, and through the Church. More on wisdom later...

Blog Promo

2008-07-28T15:46:00.003-05:00

So you might have noticed some upgrades to my site here, and my profile as well. The reason is that my husband has just begun a blog of his own. In helping him to navigate the wonderful world of widgets and HTML (his blog is totally blinged out by yours truly, so you should tell him what a nice site he has when you visit!), I decided to also fix my poor little blog up and modernize. FYI, JM is much more likely to be a faithful blogger than I am, so I won't be offended if you start reading his instead of mine. It will at least ease my perpetual state of blogger's guilt. :-) So click here, or check my side bar for a permanent link.

On a somewhat related note, I will be posting some pictures here soon of items that I have knit lately. I am in the middle of Baby Shower Summer, with many handmade gifts to give out. This is related because in updating my profile, I mention that I am a knitter, and so I thought it would be nice to prove it. You know, build up the blogger/bloggee sense of trust. Ok, that's all for now.

Self Sufficiency (Unfinished post from back in June)

2008-06-25T10:37:00.005-05:00

Hey, so I was going back through my old posts looking for some pictures I thought I had loaded, and found this draft of an old post. While its application transcends, don't think that I am currently potty training my son or that I am still freshly in the midst of this particular struggle. I thought it might be worth publishing as a reminder to myself, and hopefully to encourage anyone who might be closer to this struggle. Here it is:

Yesterday. I had a meltdown. It was potty training induced, but fed by an application of the previous Sunday's sermon. (I will link when the sermon is up online.) I realized initially, that I did not trust God with my daily life. I was trusting a godly lifestyle, perhaps, but not God himself. The difference, for those of you who think I am splitting hairs (which I am not doing, by the way), is clear by the fruit of my labors, as well as the state of my heart in moments of testing. First of all, the fruit. I have been increasingly aware of the weight of my burden as a wife and mother of three young children, with many added responsibilities from the church, extended family, and community. Where was I going for strength? Well, truly, I was simply digging in my heels and trying to cope. Now don't miss my point, I was reading my Bible. I wanted to hear from God. But I was not relying on him. I was not motivated to care for others because of how Christ has cared for me (most importantly, his sacrificial death and resurrection). I was using the Bible as a tool to accomplish my own agenda (to relieve the potential guilt of not reading it, for example). I was attacking my children with Bible verses, but not necessarily imparting grace and hope, because I did not rest on those things myself. I was seeking the Holy Spirit, even, so that I could "feel" better, and "experience" God. Again, please don't hear what I am not saying. Those things are good, but my corrupt heart was wrecking their true purpose. If I am not ultimately surrendered to God, and motivated by an understanding of His grace and goodness (a.k.a. the functional gospel), all other work is prideful at the core and is therefore compromised by sin. It is good to seek God. It is good to experience the power of the Holy Spirit, it is good to care for my friends and to speak God's word to my children. What has been missing in all of those things, for me, has been a general reliance on and submission to God. My heart is not fully trusting Him. Now, the second evidence, which came about in the moment of testing, also demonstrated trust not in God or His promises, but in my own abilities. If I am relying on myself for strength and grace in the fiery trials, then I will, with very few exceptions outwardly (and always inwardly) fail. What's in my heart? Rage, selfish ambition, jealousy, hatred, and all sorts of evil things. Now, as a believer, the gospel is also in my heart and with it peace, patience, grace, love, joy, mercy, gentleness and all sorts of good things. So, in moments of testing, which group do I tend to resemble? Well, that helps to discern which part of my heart is governing in those moments. It is easy to confuse quiet with true peace, happiness with true joy, or convenience with the dispensation of grace. And again, God does give us such seasons of rest and peace and convenient life circumstances, they are not evil in of themselves. The trick is that, in those seasons, it is far more difficult to discern where our hearts rest. Have we chosen the rock-solid truth of the gospel? Or have we gone soft and forgotten the depth of our need for a Savior? Nothing brings out the truth like the testing of trials and pain. Or smushy poo all over the otherwise freshly cleaned living room floor...

Jam Time!

2008-06-11T08:46:00.002-05:00

Strawberry picking, phase one...Washington Farms.

The whole family came along for the trip to collect 3 gallons worth of strawberries! Here are some pictures of all of us, doing our strawberry picking thing.

The kids were really cute picking and eating and saying "Mom! I found another one! Come look!" We definitely picked waaaay too many, but it was a great time, not too hot that day. I was

Titus and Tabs also took a little time to visit the goats and pump some water.

A New Day

2008-06-09T14:00:00.006-05:00

A quick life update:

I have been gardening, here are some pictures:

Also, I finally got my Sonlight home school curriculum in the mail. Yay! I started on it today with the kids, and it is not nearly as overwhelming as I imagined. So I love that.

We have been doing some "house-cooling" home improvement projects lately, including new shades, new curtains, new attic fan, and the repainting of the side exterior door (from black to white).

Of course, I am knitting, but I can't say what, because it's all gifts for my pregnant friends and family. By the way, I happen to know 9 pregnant people due this summer. Plus a couple of others who are due later on. Fortunately, I am not among them. Yet...

I am trying to take more pictures of things lately. Hopefully, it will inspire me to blog, and I will get some use out of our new camera. I am terrible picture taker. I also don't prefer to be in pictures. On a side note, JM is going to be helping me get over this camera shyness, meaning he will be taking my picture a lot. If he manages to get a good one (where I do not look poopy-frightening and/or extremely uncomfortable) I might blog it. Don't count on it, though. If you forgot what I look like, just pretend I look like Cher, but shorter and less hair. Actually, don't pretend that. Maybe I should post a picture after all. :-)

Finally, I wanted to re-envision my blog's purpose today. The pursuit of God in daily-ness means to me that I want to share with you how I functionally live according to the transforming grace of God by seeking to apply the Gospel to every part of my life. This may not sound exciting, but to me it is and here is why: As a homemaker, mother of three, and small-town American woman, it is easy for me to feel as though my life does not make much difference. In particular, I can feel that as a Christian, I am not really influencing the world for Christ. After all, I am not smuggling Bibles into Sri Lanka or China. I am not serving in disease infested jungles building houses and roads. I am not feeding starving orphans in Africa. I don't even make any money to support these grand missions, because my husband is the one who works. So. It's easy to feel small. But, the amazing truth, and the reason for writing this blog is because those feelings I have from time to time are quite inaccurate. They do not hold up to the test of Biblical truth. God calls me to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling I have received." And he has called me to be the wife and mother that I am, to lay down my plans and dreams and desires for the sake of serving God through my local church. In this there is great fulfillment as my mundane actions of changing diapers, cooking meals, and sweeping the floor become submitted to the will and glory of God. Serving with joy in this life I am called to makes the gospel appealing to those who see. Most importantly, my unbelieving children are affected. Secondly, those within the church who are not saved see this testimony of grace. Finally, the relationships within the community that God sends my way are influenced (though they often do not know it) by the gospel. And when the gospel is my motivation, suddenly the ability to witness to others is greatly increased. If the answer to any question of why I do something is "because of the gospel," how could I help but share this good news with anyone who asks? Of course, the gospel is not meant only for salvation, but also for the purpose of changing my heart daily into the image of Christ. The gospel brings power to overcome sin, and to grow in love with my Savior, Jesus Christ. So, walking out this calling is also for the purpose of edifying the believers in my life, and spurring them on in their walk. Wow! Suddenly, what I am called to is truly meaningful. I am a minister of reconciliation between God and His creation. My simple life carries the weighty responsibility of pointing in every way, to the God who made me and saved me for His glory. How kind of Him to allow even my dirty dishes and hungry children to bring glory to Himself. Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!

Which Came First?

2008-04-26T15:27:00.004-05:00

Well, for me the answer is undoubtedly, the chicken! Or rather, chickens...6 of which remain from the flock I started last August. These crazy chickens have been growing, eating, dirt-bathing, molting, getting stuck on the wrong side of the fence, cackling, roosting, and doing all other regular chicken activities with the important exception of LAYING EGGS. I have almost lost my mind over trying to figure out why in the world (could they be underfed? overfed? not enough free space? too much free space? not enough nests? wrong nest bedding? wrong food? not enough light? do they hate me? am I pressuring them? are they really roosters that looks like hens? are they just duds?) they haven't laid eggs. Well, a few weeks ago, I was ready to give up and leave them on the wrong side of a long country road. I decided instead to buy some more chickens and see if the problem was with my chickens or with me. It took a while to get everything ready, but today I went to a local farm and got 6 more. After setting up a new pen, making room, etc., etc. I finally had all my chickens in order. As I was walking inside I noticed something on the ground under one of my patio planters. Here is a picture:

Of course, I am sooooooo happy to know that no one is playing a cruel joke, and this egg did indeed come from one of my own chickens. Now I know the problem was with me being impatient more than anything else, and I am looking forward to supplying eggs for all my friends, especially now that I have 6 more chicks. Hee hee!

Why am I awake?

2008-02-07T21:51:00.000-05:00

Been meaning to do this for days...should I get back into the habit of blogging? Do I have five minutes and one complete thought to spare? Well, if nothing else, I can at least feign accountability through my present effort. I have been thinking about lots of things lately, but one I mean to share is this: Getting up before my kids to spend time with the Lord is indispensable. This morning, JM and I sat together on the couch, snuggled up and praying together, and (even though I was pretty tired) I have not felt so refreshed in a looong time. Over the past couple of weeks, I have been in this terrible cycle of sinning, feeling condemned by guilt, failing to apply the gospel, and waking up each morning to the sound of my son (or on occasion my other son) asking for food. Sometimes it sounds like this: "Mommy, I hungee. I want pancakes mommy." Or it also sounds like this: "WAAAAAHHH!" (translation, why isn't Dairy Queen, also known as me, open yet?!) In any case, hitting the ground running after a sinful yesterday and a sleepless last night is not a good plan for a grace-filled today. If you don't believe me, ask my kids. I am pretty sure I have been walking around my house all day frowning and donning the wooden spoon for about a week and a half. Last Tuesday on our date, I was confessing my sin and my general sense of shame and hardheartedness to JM as well as my growing fear that true remorse, repentence, and change would never come. He offered me the rather simple solution of resuming my morning quiet time with God and encouraged me specifically to meditate on the power of the gospel in conquering my debt of sin. So, may I emphatically testify to the difference!!

"Awake, O sleeper and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you" Eph. 5:14

Baby Pictures!

2008-01-19T12:52:00.000-05:00

Merry Post-Christmas Pictures...

2008-01-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

These are a couple of Christmas picture rejects that I thought were funny or interesting. In the "serious" shot, make sure to see Elijah's face. I think he's mad about the hat. :-)

Why I haven't blogged in a LONG time...Part 1

2007-11-05T16:08:00.001-05:00

Here are some pictures from the early summer that I took with my new camera. I am trying to upload some more, but the blogger tool is not being my friend...

The garden photos are from before the drought. So I did make some pretty things, and a few tasty things as well. The shocking part is that just yesterday I went out and picked two ripe red tomatos from my pitifully thirsty vines.

The chickens in the picture are only part of my flock. Actually, the brown one is now in chicky heaven, but she has been replaced by seven young and various hens. I hope to have a rainbow egg basket in time for Easter. If I get some time, I will photo the gals and blog them. We'll see.

Keeping up

2007-06-07T14:11:00.000-05:00

I learned earlier today that my cousin Michelle (the dead sexy Terri Hatcher look-alike sitting next to Mr. Clean on my kitchen wall for those of you who visit my house) keeps up with me through my blog. Pang of guilt! Blog! I think to myself, what blog? Okay, I know that I constantly apologize to the few of you who do read this thing. So enough grovelling for now. How about a life update?

We are still enclosing our garage. I am creeping ever closer to 26 years old. Our family is going to Hawaii starting on June 11-19. Which means I will be gone over Father's Day as well as my birthday. Anyway, I think I have finally reached the age where it's better not to remember your birthday on purpose. So I am okay with that. Titus is about to be 2 years old. I am 15 weeks along in my third pregnancy, and have spent a good part of the last hour contemplating just how many children we will have. Also, what it will be like to tell my dad that we are expecting our fifth child someday. I can't decide if we should push it that far. But I know that I do not want to give birth to any children after I am thirty. (Sound strange? Here's why. I don't want twins. If you don't understand, ask Julie Cochran.) Which means that, if we proceed at the pace that we are currently procreating, we will end up with 5. Yipe! Back to the life update. I am currently knitting a sweater for Tabitha to give her when the baby comes. I also plan to knit a baby blanket for "it" as well as some undecided object for Titus, that will probably also be a sweater. I am still teaching Tabitha how to write her letters, as well as how to sound out simple words. I become more terrified of homeschooling her with each passing day. I am not disciplined or patient enough (at this moment) to do this every day with her. I trust that God will provide grace when the time comes. I do have three chickens now. Their names are Onyx, Chinna, and Gabby. Chinna is how Titus pronounces "chicken". I am looking towards potty-training Titus in the near future. I am also kicking myself for not having already done so in the face of a 12 hour plane flight to Hawaii. By the way, if any of you have some ideas for how to care for two small children over a 12 hour flight, I am taking suggestions. Our van has been acting up lately, as in, the air conditioner is possessed. Did I mention it's stinking hot in Watkinsville and for some reason refuses to rain? This same fact is negatively affecting my poor flower garden. I have chosen not to attempt a vegetable garden this year. Belle, our dog, is primarily the reason for that. Does anyone want Belle? Let me tell you a little something about our dog. She is a bulldog, a breed known for digging, drooling, and not known for jumping. However, our dog is a jumper. In fact, though we keep her in a 5 1/2 foot tall fenced-in yard, she can still escape. How? By jumping over the fence. Yes I am telling the truth, I have seen her do it with my own two eyes. So, we now have an electric fence running along the edge of our tall, sturdy wooden one in order to contain our pet. She does enjoy jumping on our trampoline as well. She uses it more than the kids.

Johnmark is still working part-time for the church. I think we are up for some kind of re-assessment this month, but I haven't heard anything so far. He is also working part-time painting cars still. He's been really busy this week. There's always a lot going on with the church, and I am glad for what he is able to do to help. This life-season, of course, still feels as though we are suspended between places. Which is basically how things are. I am growing slowly in understanding the demands of ministry, and the difference it makes in how I get to spend my time. Apparently, I am a lot more selfish than I was thinking I am. :-) But God is faithful, and I am trying to put that sin to death. Okay, I have no more time for blogging. I will do my best to post some pictures soon. Hopefully of the kids, and hopefully in Hawaii. Maybe I will put one of me too. Actually, don't count on it. :-)

What I never did on a High School Math Test. :-0

2007-05-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

I cried. I was actually laughing that hard. Thank you facebook. Hope you enjoy this. :-)

News

2007-05-05T19:07:00.000-05:00

Hey all,
Just been reading some fascinating stuff at Dr. Al Mohler's blog. Mostly I am encouraged by the idea that the battle over abortion seems closer to the end. Praise God for ultrasounds! I suppose this would be a convenient moment to reveal my secret. JM and I are ten weeks and three days into our third pregnancy. We are very excited, and I have pondered more than once the possibility that this is twins. I have been more tired and nauseated than both of the other two pregnancies combined! But I am so thankful that this trimester ends in a few weeks. Mark your calendars for November 30. Of course, my kids have a habit of being late. So it might be better to just block out that whole week. :-)

April is Almost Over

2007-04-25T08:06:00.000-05:00

...and what have I done with the time? Mostly, I have a hard time remembering. :-) That's a hint for some of you. More to come on this mysterious portion of my blog entry next week. Like, May 2 to be exact. So, back to what I was saying. I have managed to remember that JM and I went out of town this month with our Senior Pastor and his wife. We all drove to Maryland for a week and participated in a Sovereign Grace leadership conference. It was great! The guest speaker was R.C. Sproul. I so appreciate his life, and how he has been so dedicated to exposing the truth of Scripture, and in particular his "Luther-like" clench on the Sovereignty and Holiness of God. Thank God for men like that. He spoke for two nights; the first passage was Isaiah 6 (the holiness of God) and the second was the Transfiguration (the holiness of Christ). We also heard a great message by David Powlison on the proper purpose of introspection, and the purpose of studying our sinfulness. That being that it rightfully should drive us to the cross, increase our understanding of our need for God, and repent in order to pursue holiness and overcome sin by the power of the Spirit's working within us. Stopping the process at any point prior to repentence and seeking to overcome is not the way God intended it. At least, I think that was what he was saying. JM and I had a little debate on the intent of this message. And if he (JM) had a blog, I would send you his way for further clarification. As it is, you are stuck with me and my (perhaps) misguided view of things.

I will say that of all the things that happened that week, I was perhaps most encouraged by the time JM and I had with Paul and Darby. We spent a good bit of time discussing our personal lives, specifically the weaknesses and strengths within our respective marriages and family lives. I was so envisioned by the end to persevere, particularly in parenting. It was good to have two other sets of eyes watching over our lives. Paul and Darby have such grace in their communication, so it was easy to hear areas where JM and I need improvement, or at least areas of sin that we weren't really seeing on our own. My hope is in the Lord, but part of His plan for me is to place me in the care of a local body that loves my enough to speak difficult truths and apply the gospel in places I would rather hide from. Thank God for this glorious means of His grace!

Chicken Party. Seriously...

2007-03-27T21:08:00.000-05:00

I am getting chickens in T minus 2 days and counting. YAYY! Three pet chickens which will subsequently provide our family with eggs (in a few months when they begin laying, provided our bulldog doesn't eat them in the meantime). We are picking up the coop from my sister-in-law's parents' house on Thursday. A completely pre-made and intact coop. Her parents are getting out of the chicken business. And the chickens are being donated by my good friend (whom I respectfully refer to as "the boss" ) Kim Thomas. In any case, I have decided that I must be a country girl after all. I have a (albeit really really tiny) garden, and (eventually) a yard full of kids, and as of two days, chickens. Well, okay, maybe not a farmer. Need a tractor or something for that. Perhaps a cow. Not likely. Oh well, I do knit. That's farmy, right?

Happy Birthday, Honey!

2007-03-14T13:02:00.000-05:00

Johnmark,
I love you so much. You are my hero, my lover, and my best friend. I care for you more deeply than I ever thought possible. You embody the love of our Savior to me. You are humble, self-sacrificing, patient, and gentle. You lead me with grace, and by your strength in the Lord's faithfulness. You care for our children with a steady balance of discipline and love. You bring the Gospel of Christ to them. You teach us all with your example of servant-leadership. You imitate Christ in your love for the Church. You listen. You are slow to anger. I can not imagine life apart from you, and I trust by God's amazing grace that your spiritual fruit will only muture and sweeten as we continue to walk the road home together. I love you,

Taylor

Lots of Things

2007-03-05T14:50:00.000-05:00

That is the title of the email JM sent me last Monday. It is an accurately blurry description of my recent life. And although I am completely exhausted at the moment, I did want to share a moment of clarity that I had about half an hour ago. I was walking through the kitchen carrying my sleeping Tabby to lay her down for an overdue nap. I glanced at what was left of the lunch I almost got to eat earlier in the day (which I am now consuming while blogging...veggie lasagna, by the way). I realized at that moment how wonderful and comfortable my life was. I have delicious (albeit leftovers) food to eat. I can choose whatever I want for a meal. I can go to the grocery store (like I did this morning) and splurge on a piece of chocolate cake, or some sparkling water (I bought both today). I can come home to my quiet, air-conditioned house that smells like clean (and unfolded) laundry and rest for a while before my kids wake up. I had a bath today. With wonderful Melaleuca shampoo (more later on that topic). My husband, bless God, wanted to work extra hard today, so he could come home early and give me a nap. What kind of husband is that wonderful?! Besides all of that, I have had so much time to read Scripture today. What amazing grace our Lord gives us. After reading several chapters each of Exodus, Job, Luke, and 1 Cor.(I am trying to catch up on my read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year plan), I realized how much I have that I don't deserve, and how much I take for granted, and how much God loves and takes care of me anyway. I believe I will be among the least in the Kingdom of Heaven, but wow. I am a citizen of it. My heart's cry is that I would become less on this earth, so that my glory could be in Heaven, and God's glory in all.

Proirities

2007-02-07T08:24:00.000-05:00

So much to say. I am thankful beyond measure for JM and how he has served through the preaching of the word over the past two Sundays. I have been continuously convicted. I am not meek, I do not mourn. I want to change(well, sort of), but find myself believing the lie that greater pleasure lies elsewhere. Yesterday I was so struck with a desire to mourn that I really felt like an Israelite. I wanted to don the sackcloth and sit in my living room until the fullness of my sin was upon me. I wanted my two children to bear witness to me, so that they might also understand the vileness of sin. I used to read in the Old Testament about this activity (donning the sackcloth and ashes) and thought it was a ridiculous thing. I mean, who does that? What's the point? Aren't they just crying for pity...doing this to be seen by others? Well, I think yesterday the appeal to me was that I wanted to be humbled by demonstration of my wretchedness before God and my family. In any case, I didn't go through with it. :-) In case you were wondering.

I do want my heart to remain there. Go farther in fact. We really are cast on the mercy of Christ at all times. He is, in fact, so merciful that even when we tout His great mercy as our own accomplishment, He has greater mercy still to show us what we are doing against His Name. Wow.

To APPEND:

I want to confess that I am losing steam on the "schedule". Pray for me. Also, I am losing the battle with impatience a little more often these days. Finally, there is a college overnight retreat coming up at the end of this month (girls only) that I am sort of, well, basically in charge of. Much grace is needed, as I still have not begun work on what I am to say. I do have a vague idea...biblical womanhood. Such a small topic, I know. :-)

Habit...

2007-01-17T06:59:00.000-05:00

I don't really have anything spectacular to report, I am just trying to keep up this "habit" of blogging. I am planning my flower beds this week. And (if I get really ambitious) my veggie beds as well. Also, I have begun reading a book by Paul...er that is, John Bunyan called The Holy War. I am only on Chapter 3, but so far, a great read.

JM and I continue to grow in our adjustment to the new life. I primarily speak of his job and consequent schedule change.

I would covet your prayers on behalf of a new friend of ours. A man named Keith. He is searching hard for a job. He has an interview today at 4:00. Please pray for him.

Appendix A: Not Pregnant

2007-01-11T17:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the confusion...haha, I didn't even think that it sounds as if I am talking as though I WAS pregnant. I am not pregnant. Or as my friends call it, I am not prego. :-)

Quick Notes

2007-01-11T07:33:00.000-05:00

Johnmark had his first day as an intern yesterday.

We are both attempting to read through the whole Bible this year (his goal is to finish in 6 months).

My anxiety about having another baby is growing for the following reasons:
1. we are entering a tremendously busy season of life, so I am lacking faith for the added responsibility
2. we are not clear on our financial horizon, due to some "complications" with our insurance situation
3. on that note, I am not sure that we will be able to use the same mid-wives that I have used with my other two, which would be out of the question in my mind
4. logistically, I can't imagine managing three on Sundays with JM's added responsibilities at church. Also, with Tabby starting school more formally this fall, I am again certain I will be staggerring to find time to manage the home.

I think that many of these problems would be present at any time, and if not these, then some other version of them. What is important is determining God's will. And please don't misunderstand. I really desire to have another baby. I wouldn't dream of facing these challenges apart from these two things. It is a matter of prayer.

Quarrelsome.
A word to describe JM and (moreso) me over the past week

Encouragement(s)
Susan B.'s prayer for our care group.
The kind congratulations of many in the church with regard to the internship
The "Schedule" is working
Karen's kind offer to help me with the house in preparation for our first care group meeting

JM has continued to be intentional about taking the children for me when I am crashing in the evenings, or when I need a few minutes of work, uninterrupted. Last night, B&N. Yesterday afternoon, the trampoline.

Finally, PRAISE THE LORD for His mercy on our nation by healing Al Mohler!

Happy New Year, etc.

2007-01-05T07:55:00.000-05:00

Well, Colorado was very cold. In spite of that, I must confess it was a great trip. I can't quite call it a vacation, because I am learning that young mommies don't really have those. Although, one of the nights we were gone, my parents graciously agreed to watch the kids and JM took me out on a very romantic and sweet date. We walked around the snowy village (in big, warm, furry coats...well mine was furry) and held hands and got lost, but then eventually found our way to this rustic lodge of a restaurant. An Italian cabin, I suppose. The food and wine were molto benne. Actually, I don't recall seeing that written before, did I spell it right? Anyone? Well, anyway, wonderful night. Stopped off at Starbucks and enjoyed one another's company some more and went home so happy and relaxed. What a night!

I did ski. No, I don't prefer to ski. But Vail has the best ski slopes in the world, so I certainly can't be ungrateful for that, and yes, I did ski the black diamonds a couple of times. I like the lazy blues that best though...
Tabitha (as in, my three year old daughter) skiied. She loved it. She hated it. She was so darn cute in that ski outfit. So, I suppose she will want to go again. Titus did not dig the snow. (Good man!) He spent most of his time watching videos and eating fudge in the condo with me, JM, or my mom. Bet you can't guess who fed him the fudge...

Also, my favorite feature...the outdoor hot tub. My hair got just a little wet on the ends one night when we were in there. A few minutes later, it was frozen. Frozen hair, boiling toes. So bizarre. The best part is running from the tub back to the door into the building. Wet. Wrapped in a frozen towel and icy flip flops and of course a big furry coat. Giggling all the way. JM did it barefoot. No wonder he got sick. :-)

That's all for now.

the 4-1-1

2006-12-24T13:36:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to give the illusion that I do post regularly *ahem, Sherri...

First of all, Merry Christmas, and I sincerely hope no one reads my blog tomorrow, because you have MUCH better things to do. Now, we are leaving for Colorado on Christmas Day and will return on New Year's Eve. Take care and we'll see you next year!

NEW POST, YAY!

2006-12-19T08:45:00.000-05:00

How about a stream of conciousness post?

Christmas...my grandma's cookies...well, not really cookies...the best...Tabby likes to make them...ten million Christmas cards...how many will I forget...Our picture was wrong this year.

Sin...so exposed on holidays...I hate that...I need that...can't I just get rid of sin?...pride...God opposes that...thankfully, it can be conquered...will it happen this side of eternity...probably not...wait, where's my faith...okay, maybe...definitely if He says so...help me struggle and put to death my sin, Lord!

House...dirty,dirty,dirty,...so why am I blogging...am I being selfish?...fear of man, perhaps...lazy?...just want to communicate I am still alive...yes that, I'll go with C. C is for Cookie...or Christmas.

I almost died today

2006-10-31T07:18:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up mad. I was mad because I heard both kids crying and it was pitch black dark and the LAST thing I wanted to do was get out of my warm cozy bed and go fight with them to dress change and feed them. I was completely impatient with my daughter and when she disobeyed me, I spanked her leg without explanation and ended up making things much worse. She is fairly dramatic, like her mother. (Side note: I do believe in disciplining my children through the God-ordained method of spanking; however, discipline of this sort MUST be done with the Gospel in mind, done with loving correction. My child should not sense MY anger, but the anger of a righteous God, and should be instructed by His truth and the salvation He offers through Jesus Christ that saves my children from sin's ultimate punishment. I would consider my actions this morning with regard to spanking Tabby an abuse of my authority, and definitely sinful on my part). So here I was with my sin and my two sinful children, trying to make things work by my own power, and in particular, through the forcefulness of my anger. Now, let's reflect for a minute on why I was angry (or who I was angry with). Was it my children? Sure, they had caused the inconvenience of me getting out of bed and dealing with moderately sick, very grumpy kids. But really, was MY anger THEIR fault? No. I was choosing anger because I wanted my own comfort and ease. I was mad at the One who sovereignly works all things for His glory and my good. I was not giving glory to God in the midst of my morning. I wanted to glorify myself and my needs. Even later on the phone as I was confessing my sin to JM, I noticed that I kept talking about how difficult the children were making it for me. So, I still hadn't learned my lesson. Well, I decided that I needed to read the Bible to help focus my day. I have been reading in Deuteronomy lately. Today was chapter 17. I will only quote a couple of verses, but here is what I read,
"If there is found among you, within any of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, a man or woman who does what is evil in the sight of the LORD your God, in transgressing his covenant, and has gone and served other gods and worshiped them, or the sun or the moon or any of the host of heaven, which I have forbidden, and it is told you and you hear of it, then you shall inquire diligently, and if it is true and certain that such an abomination has been done in Israel, then you shall bring out to your gates that man or woman who has done this evil thing, and you shall stone that man or woman to death with stones."
Deu 17:2-5

So, granted I was not worshipping the sun or moon, but I was definitely worshipping my bed and rest (and actually, MYSELF) over the Lord and His calling on my life as a mother and servant of His Kingdom. What really got me was this: What is written above is the law of the Lord, something fulfilled through Jesus Christ. By His grace I am no longer under that law. However, there is also mentioned several times in the New Testament a need and requirement of having that same law written on my heart. Living with the principles of this law as my guide for godliness. Even as I am typing, I would say that I do not feel the anguish of my sin against God to the degree that this law punishes. Indeed, my heart would tell me I am light years from deserving to be stoned to death, much less suffering the eternal wrath of God in the confines of hell. What foolish things feelings can be sometimes. I pray that the Lord arrests my heart with this truth, that I may be in agony over my sin and truly TRULY repent (and turn) of it.

Thank God for John Piper!

2006-10-09T15:41:00.000-05:00

I was just heartily zinged by this article, which comes from John Piper's website, Desiring God Ministries. Specifically, I thought about this morning when Tabitha (my three year old) was trying to ask me something related to where she would sit at breakfast, and I interrrupted her several times and forcefully gave my predetermined answer. Now, I knew something wasn't quite "godly" about what I was doing, but would not have been able to pinpoint it so well as Piper outlined in this brief article. I am gratefully convicted, in particular of my own arrogance, rudeness, and lack of thoughtful concern for my daughter's words and their value. I want to teach her patience, kindness, and that words do have value and meaning, as well as the thoughts behind them. By squelching her questions (and trust me, this morning was not the first time!) I am not teaching her any of those things, and by my own example I am damaging her thoughts as to the value of her words, and the value of lis-ten-ing
(as I so often question whether she is listening to me).

Wisdom

2006-10-04T09:54:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to do a topical study on thanksgiving, and so I would first like to ask a question...Does anyone know of a good book designed to expose the topic of thanksgiving and gratitude in the Bible? Besides the Bible? I always grapple with study guides because in one sense I feel they are lazy. In another sense, I want to humble myself and learn from whatever means of grace the Lord provides. So, there's my two cents about that.

Now, why is this post titled "Wisdom"? Because, it is a much easier topical study in the Bible. Hello Proverbs! Anyway, I have just finished the chapter on Wisdom as an attribute of God in the book "Knowing God" (see earlier post). More than anything, it made me hungry for the Word of God, and in particular, the Old Testament. Suprising? It was to me. I mean, I like the OT, but it can be more challenging to stay with a study of, say, I Chronicles than to study the book of James. You know? But wisdom is found in both places, and I would say the "fear of the Lord" variety of wisdom is easier to come by in the OT. At least, that's my current opinion. I am open to teaching and discussion there as well. I suppose that's all for now.

Newly Obsessed with Baking Soda

2006-09-29T12:31:00.000-05:00

...and vinegar. I have been cleaning my house with this stuff like mad! I feel so liberated from stinky Lysol and Windex! Ha! AND I am saving money. Double HA! It all started with the carpet in the kids' room. Filthy. What were we thinking laying white carpet. Well, not white-white, more like semi-off-white...but still. The carpet was doing tolerably until the diaper-rash-cream-baptism-event courtesy of my little Tabitha. It never recovered. Desitin. Oil-based and deadly. The carpet became a magnet for dirt. The soap I had used to try and clean it (Dawn...hey, it cuts grease on dishes?? creatvity points, anyone?) also attracted dirt like a magnet, but miraculously, it attracted a slightly different shade of dirt. So you could clearly see where the mess was, as well as where I had attempted to clean it up. Did I mention this is the section of the carpet right by the doorway? So yeah, people were probably afraid to let their kids play on our floor, for fear that the carpet might EAT them. Fast forward about two years. Enter baking soda (and vinegar). Bye bye Desitin! So, I wondered to myself as I perused the back label of the 5 pound bag of baking soda I just got at Sam's...what else can this miracle powder do? Basically, I have decided, baking soda does for my house what the internet did for computers. And, I learned a fabulous little trick with vinegar that caused me to spontaneously throw away my Windex and Squeegee forever. 1/4 cup vinegar plus one cup of water plus one empty spray bottle. Add newspaper and the bathroom mirror. You know the one...that large streaky monster that you hate to clean because you end up squatting halfway on the countertop with one foot in the sink (which you now have to re-clean) and still, STILL it looks streaky and fudgy after you are finished. But you try again each week. That was me. Now I am doing the happy dance on Thursday when the free edition of the Watkinsville newspaper comes to my mailbox. Yah-hoo!

Another Day

2006-09-28T12:56:00.000-05:00

I am trying to work my way back into this "consistent posting" thing, so bear with me. I am utterly shocked by the fact that October is only two days away...

How the gospel has been working in my life lately: may I first share His Grace!!! I have truly seen a change in the way I relate to my children. Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! I cannot tell you how grateful my heart is to see this fruit begin to take shape in my life. Patience, joy, kindness, and yes, even self-control. I know that these changes are not in my own power or my own heart; rather, they are a work of the power of Christ's resurrection, manifest by the Spirit's conquering presence in my soul. They are a gift from God Himself. Please don't hear that I am finished with the fight. I know I have FAR to go in terms of overcoming the sins of impatience, anger, selfishness, and rude behavior. I am just freshly aware of the Lord's kindness and victory in my life in these areas. I have truly enjoyed mothering my two children. I have not been as impatient and short-tempered with them. I have not been harsh with them when they turn out to be foolish and clumsy. These may sound like small things to you, but for me they are monumental. I pray that His grace would continue to reign in this area of my life. My faith is so built! Thank you, Lord!

...and now I remeber why I hate spiders.

2006-09-13T12:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was walking along my garden and noticed that same green spider in the same flower as when I took the picture on Monday. Well, about ten minutes later I glanced over and saw that "loathsome creature" (to quote J. Edwards) hanging upside down under the petals of my pink zinnia and sucking the blood out of a bumblebee that it was holding with its gruesome extra legs. And to think, I even considered posting on my blog that I thought that spider was kind of cool. In that moment, I had before my eyes a living picture of the power of sin. I had been fooled into believing that this spider was nice because it was pretty and didn't have a web like those big nasty banana spiders that hang around. It was a garden spider, helpful to my flowers by keeping away pests. HA! BUMBLEBEES ARE HELPFUL, SPIDERS ARE MURDERERS!!! I decided to relax my spider theory because this spider was different, a kind I had never seen before. But it does the same reprehensible act that all spiders do (besides having too many legs); it lives by sucking the blood out of other creatures. If that is not a picture of sin, I don't know what is. What kind of creature lives off of blood? Ick, yuck, and nastiness!!! I think I will go outside and spray that awful thing down with Lysol. And then possibly light a match.

SPIDER

2006-09-11T08:31:00.000-05:00

I took this picture a few minutes ago in my garden. For those of you who know how scared I am of spiders and how STINKIN close you have to get to a spider to take a picture like this, be amazed. Taking dominion, folks.

Holy Helper

2006-08-28T20:50:00.000-05:00

Just a little life update to begin. Tabitha turns three on Saturday. I wish the implications of that statement could somehow be published alongside it. But I am actually too tired to post a picture of myself making the face I make when I think about it too long. I am sure whoever is reading this post can imagine. Actually, I wonder if anyone ever does read it anymore...I have all but abandoned my little blog. Which leads me to my next point...why I am posting.
I have been reading a book called Knowing God
which has been wonderful. The chapter I just finished is about the Holy Spirit. It has really humbled me (which I always need). As a wife, I can struggle with being subject to my husband's authority. I pray that I never succumb to that temptation ever again. Because of the tremendous example found in Christ Himself, I should look to service and submission as true greatness, a sweet communion with my Savior. Second, there is the work of the Holy Spirit, who is not only subject to God the Father, but also is subject to Christ. AND the work of the Spirit is to be a helper to saints and further the work done by Christ as He dwelt breifly among us. It is mind boggling to me that GOD would choose to give that kind of 24/7 personal, sacrificial (at least in my opinion) care and oversight to me. Me the struggling housewife who gets in a huff if the fact that the floor was recently swept goes unnoticed by my family (and by unnoticed I mean that no one breaks down emotionally over the amazing and selfless servant that I am to the rest of the group.) I am indeed a wretched sinner in need of a Savior, a Father, and a Divine Helper. Thank you God, for grace, freedom, and the hope of heaven!!!

Thanksgiving

2006-06-27T07:25:00.000-05:00

God is continuing to work on my heart in terms of giving thanks to Him. My step-mom would often call me "ungrateful" when I was younger. Most of the time I didn't care when she said it (to my shame). But as my heart is informed by Scripture, I am starting to call myself ungrateful. How often are two things mentioned beside thanksgiving in Scripture: prayer and obedience. I feel that I cannot grow well in these two areas without first addressing my lack of thankfulness towards my Savior. Even though I could maintain (perhaps) a general demeanor of gratitude based on my desire to serve the Lord, etc. ( This is by the way, the excuse my husband uses when he takes his first bite of a meal before we have prayed. "I maintain a constant state of thankfulness", I believe is a direct quote.) , it is still mandated in Scripture to pray with thanksgiving, most often when we are commanded to pray without ceasing. I know that kind of thanksgiving (as well as that kind of prayer) doesn't just happen. It requires cultivation. Am I pursuing thankfulness the way I pursue other things of the Lord? I certainly want to grow in this area.

Brevity

2006-06-19T08:18:00.000-05:00

Today I turn twenty five years old. In about two hours...so technically I am not quite a quarter of a century old yet. Unexpectedly, my husband arranged for my mother-in-law to take the kids until tomorrow night. I am thrilled to have some time alone, with no demands...except for from our brand new puppy, Belle. How will I spend the time? Again, the answer I expected has not come. Last night as I fell asleep (which didn't take long after an evening of Dutch Blitz and maragritas with some friends), I contemplated the time and how I had so many little hobbies and projects that I wanted to spend my day enjoying. This morning as I was wiping down the counter, God arrested my heart. You see, last night on the way home from dropping off the kids, JM and I listened to a message by John Piper about Adoniram Judson. This man's life was wrent with tragedy, yet he persevered and served the Lord until the day he died. Consequently, there has been much reaping from his work in India...I would encourage you to research this man's life and death. Piper argues that Judon's unwavering belief in the sovereignty of God was fundamental in his ability to cope with the excessive death and destruction that surrounded his life. As I wiped down my countertop, the same sovereign God spoke to my heart and reminded me that he had also ordered my life. He had chosen for me to hear that message last night on the way home from leaving my kids with my mom-in-law. He had granted me this "free" time today. Had I even asked Him what to do with it? Or had I selfishly made my own comfortable, enjoyable plans...after all, it's my bi

Its Official...

2006-06-01T17:57:00.000-05:00

I am now Aunt Taylor...hmm, maybe I need a nickname. Anyway, her name is Amelia Suzanne Battaglia and she is almost two days old!

Never Time

2006-05-25T08:09:00.000-05:00

Will the whirlwind ever stop? I can't really tell from here, but this morning (as with every other morning I can remember for a long while) I am tired. We are hosting several and various college students in our home of late, and, in addition to mothering two wee ones, attempting to cook, clean, and care for guests and maintain something of a marriage :-) I am really tired. Don't get me wrong, JM and I are having the time of our lives; I personally really love having so many people around, I just wish I could have the energy that Tabitha does all the time. Okay, so why am I blogging? First of all, because I just walked into the office looking for the Swiffer and I realized the golden oppurtunity before me. No one needs me right now. Second, because I feel tremendous blogger's guilt for not writing in so long. And third, perhaps most importantly...I have something to say. :-) Recently, I have been quite convicted about the lack of thanksgiving on my lips and in my prayers. So, I am desirous to change there. 1 Corinthians talks about the gift of tongues and within the idea that one of the primary purposes of tongues is to speak thanks to God for self-edification. Now I have understood for some time the concept of tongues as a form of intercessory prayer and have seen the Lord move powerfully in that particular Spirit manifestation. Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever recognized tongues as a mode of giving thanks to God. Consequently, I don't know that I have ever really meditated on God's character and actions toward me long enough to be provoked to speak in tongues of thanksgiving. And that, my friends, is sad. I desire a heart that bursts open with thanksgiving to God. So there is indeed some idol smashing to be done in me. Lord, help me not to love this world more than you! I desire to know Your face, and to be truly in love with You. I want to be more thankful for You, God!

Just a minute...

2006-05-10T09:29:00.000-05:00

So, I am shamefully overdue with this blog...yipe! Well, in the midst of five weddings and a baby or two this spring (the babies aren't mine consequently), I am not finding a lot of free time for deep thought. Or really lengthy shallow thought either. Although I had quite and interesting conversation with my husband and some friends over the moral issue of plant ownership. Maybe I'll get into that some other time. I did want to post about something the Lord has shown me is a big struggle for me, and that is prayer in solitude. I tend to prefer to pray with someone else or a group of people, and I really sense the Lord meeting me in those times. However, when I am alone and (as is often the case lately) distracted or tired, that time can be dry and difficult. I have had seasons of life when I just desire time alone with the Lord, meditating on His goodness and character and sensing His pleasure and presence with me. So, by default, I know who has moved, and it must be me. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that the Lord, although generous with His Spirit, is under no obligation to make the sensing of His Spirit an essential or even customary element to prayer. I think if I spent more time appreciating the value of the fact that I can even enter into the presence of the Lord at any time (or at all) then I might be more humble and more grateful for this Mighty Savior whom I serve. All this to say that I am in pursuit of Him in this area of my life.

As an aside, I also am so thankful for our pastor and his faithfulness to bring truth to us each week and challenge and direct us to our Lord. Had a wonderful sermon about love on Sunday, and in particular I was affected by the following:

(1 Cor. 13 description of love has just been read)

"If you are here today saying I want to be loved like that, then you've missed it. You're ALREADY loved like that!! Look to the cross, you've already been loved like that. But as it says in the next few verses, 'Pursue love' ; You are meant to love others in the way that you have already been loved! "

Okay so that's probably not a perfect, word for word up there, but certainly it is the essence of what Paul was trying to communicate. Can I get an amen?

I love my Son!

2006-05-02T07:42:00.000-05:00

This is a recent picture of Titus, my little man. He is about ten months old and I realized that I don't have any pictures of him on my blog. That is sad. So, now my blog (and hopefully your day) have been brightened by this precious face. What a ladykiller!

Encouragement in Modesty

2006-04-21T20:40:00.000-05:00

So, if you have not been reading the girltalk blog lately, they have been talking about modesty. This is such a helpful topic for two reasons. First, women rarely realize the effect they can have by dressing modestly, or vice versa. Secondly, it can be somewhat awkward for men to address the topic. In any case, my friend Sam Hill (yes that s really his name) forwarded a wonderful and powerful testimony that was written by a good friend of his. I asked if it would be okay to post it, and he said yes so here it is. The reason it begins "Dear ladies" is because I think she sent this same note over to the girltalk blog girls. Here we go (be encouraged and challenged):

Dear ladies,

My name is Christen - I'm a junior in college outside of Philadelphia. I am so grateful that y'all have focused on modesty the past week or so - and the timing of it is wise!! The spring is an important time for women to be thinking biblically about our dress!!

I wanted to share with y'all my testimony, because I have come to see that modesty was huge in the Lord's work of saving me. I hope that it encourages anybody that reads it - I want to shed light on the glory of Christ Jesus in His mercy and grace in saving an enemy!!

Until a little while ago, I was living in the deception that I was a Christian. My family had always been involved in ministry and the church - I assumed that somewhere along the way I had been saved, too. However, if anyone were to honestly look at my life, it was clear that my heart was void of any love for or delight in Christ. I knew the charade well, but I was miserable. My teenage years are a blur of corruption to me, with a few memories of tiny seeds the Lord was planting in me of desire for Himself, for a greater joy than what the world was offering me. Among other things, one of the areas that I struggled greatly with was immodesty. My pride would feed itself on the pleasure of attention and the ability to tempt guys. It became a constant goal of mine, a habit even - consciously or not - to get as much attention for my looks as I could. Looking back on it, I am just floored by the bondage I was in - I was so unhappy and unsatisfied!!

As I got older, I tried to find the middle ground - I was looking for some sort of "nobility" in the middle of my immodesty, but to no avail. My wardrobe consisted of clothes that may not have been scandalous by the world's measures, but immodest nonetheless. This continued through my freshman year of college and the summer afterwards. The Lord was working in my heart, though. I knew my dissatisfaction with the world, and knew, to an extent, that the Lord was the answer to my desire for real satisfaction and joy. I just lacked the ability or desire within myself to forsake it all for Christ; I didn't know how to get out of my slavery to sin. I recognized these desires for greatness, though, for God. I began to hear the Gospel in a new way - the Lord was not only revealing my heart's dissatisfaction with the world, but was placing people in my life who would preach the Gospel to me! I began to hear about modesty, for the first time in my life, as a way to honor Christ.

At the beginning of my sophomore year of college (fall of 2004), I began to dress less immodestly (not quite modestly, though!). I was looking for hope in the practice of it, but still lacked the heart for Jesus. Therefore, my dress was still only halfway modest, because my heart was only halfway in it. A lot of times, it was just annoying to me!

Then one day, in the fall of 2004, after I had gotten dressed and ready for the day, I looked in the mirror at my "halfway" modest outfit. I looked "acceptable", not ostentatious. Yet I was somehow dissatisfied - I realized I had been dressing so that I could feel modest, yet in my heart I still sought the attention and glory for myself. But that day was different. As I scrutinized my halfway modest outfit, I was tired of it. (Specifically, I felt my clothes were too tight, and my stomach showed if I moved around at all!) I was tired of dressing modestly half-heartedly. In fact, I realized that I was tired of living my entire life half-heartedly. I was worn out by trying to live with one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom of God. There's no joy in that - it's just exhausting! I believe that on that day, God gave me genuine desires for Himself - I believe He changed my heart that day, credited Christ's righteousness to me, and welcomed me into His kingdom!

My point in all this is that I whole-heartedly second the fact that modesty represents our hearts. I don't believe that I was saved because I started dressing modestly. I believe that the change in my desire to dress modestly was representative of my change of heart. The Lord used modesty as a symbol of a heart redeemed by the death of Jesus Christ.

That was a little over a year ago. Since then, the Lord has only grown me in my understanding and desires to dress modestly. I listened to CJ's sermon on "The Soul of Modesty" and think of it almost everyday. What especially hit me was the statement y'all recently put on the blog: "The woman who loves the Savior avoids immodesty because she doesn't want to distract from or reflect poorly upon the gospel." I think of my own longings to know and love the Lord, and consider my brothers in Christ - they have those same longings. I want to love and serve my brothers - the thought of being a "distraction" from the gospel is a terrifying thought to me.

Dressing modestly is not always easy - it is a challenge! But by the grace of God, it is by no means annoying to me anymore. It is such a joy to know that I am abiding in the love of Christ by how I dress and helping my brothers to do the same!! I don't get the same type of attention from guys as I used to - and what a blessing that is!! When I walk around campus or sit in class or worship in church, I am freer to dwell on the Lord and to know that I am helping others do the same. There is so much joy in dressing modestly. I have a final thought: I would encourage Christian guys to seek to encourage modesty in your sisters. Tell them how valuable it is to you! It only spurs us on to modesty and the glory of God even more! Let's delight in the Lord for His mercy to allow us to know purity - to know Him!!

I hope this is at least encouraging to anyone who reads this, to see the goodness and power of God in a backwards heart. Thank y'all again for teaching us about modesty - it is priceless!!

in Christ,

Christen Rausch

Oh man that's sick!

2006-04-20T12:31:00.000-05:00

I mean...I'm sick...again. Bah on sickness, I wanna go to heaven. My kids are sick...allergies? What is that about. I have lived in Georgia all my stinkin life and I have prided myself on NEVER NO NOT ONE SINGLE TIME EVER having allergies. I think the pine trees want revenge. Because last year we cut down about 30 of them between our yard and our next door neighbors. We left one. And if you have read my blog, you recently saw that last pine tree's untimely demise courtesy of my husband and a chain saw. MUAHHAHAHAHA! I laughed that day with vicious joy...at last! no more pokey pine cones and no more raking up pine straw in order to remind myself of the color of grass. You know, before I had that last tree cut down, I actually used to talk smack to it from my kitchen window. In hindsight, this may not have been the best idea. Good thing I am not a pantheist. But seriously, I used to tell the tree that it's days were numbered and that it better not get too comfortable housing nasty lawn-furniture-destroying squirrels and blocking the sun's view of my pitiable garden. Oh no, the day was coming when that tree would be mulch and firewood. Little did I know...that tree cursed me back. Not that I plan on being firewood. But I suppose I have learned the hard way not to talk smack to trees. There is, however, an azalea bush in the front garden...

New Week, New Grace

2006-04-10T06:52:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to a ladies' meeting. The topic? Kindness. The result of the time well spent there. Zing! I have been convicted (that's what Zing means) and the verse that did it? Here:

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.
Luke 6:32-35

The speaker (my good friend Ruth) went on to explain how often, our own family can qualify as "enemies" when their needs or desires are in opposition to our own. Zing! And I would add that it's not my children or husband intentionally being my enemy; rather, the sinfulness of my heart makes me become their enemy. So...God is obviously after something here in my heart. I would guess it's probably sanctifying my big, fat, selfish heart. :-) To end, Ruth shared some ways to combat unkindness, and of course the one that struck me was prayer. She read two different prayers in Ephesians (1:16-23 & 3:14-19) and encouraged us to pray for faith in the power of God, and a greater understanding of the attributes of God, in particular of His love for us. Yeah, I'd say that could be helpful. Lord, HELP ME!!! (This is a common prayer of mine, while it is appropriately desperate for God, it is generally unspecific and lazy. Seeking the face of God, the knowledge of Him, asking for reminders of His faithfulness in order to create more faith in His future grace...these things would do my heart more good than clamoring like a newborn for unspecified help).

Provoked by Spurgeon

2006-04-05T09:11:00.000-05:00

I was reading Morning and Evening by C.H. Spurgeon just now, and was so provoked by the passage, I had to share it.

“On him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus.”

We see in Simon’s carrying the cross a picture of the work of the Church throughout all generations; he is the cross-bearer after Jesus. Mark then, Christian, Jesus does not suffer so as to exclude your suffering. He bears a cross, not that you may escape it, but that you may endure it. Christ exempts you from sin, but not from sorrow. Remember that, and expect to suffer.
But let us comfort ourselves with this thought, that in our case, as in Simon’s, it is not our cross, but Christ’s cross which we carry. When you are molested for your piety; when your religion brings the trial of cruel mockings upon you, then remember it is not your cross, it is Christ’s cross; and how delightful is it to carry the cross of our Lord Jesus!
You carry the cross after him. You have blessed company; your path is marked with the footprints of your Lord. The mark of his blood-red shoulder is upon that heavy burden. ‘Tis his cross, and he goes before you as a shepherd goes before his sheep. Take up your cross daily, and follow him.
Do not forget, also, that you bear this cross in partnership. It is the opinion of some that Simon only carried one end of the cross, and not the whole of it. That is very possible; Christ may have carried the heavier part, against the transverse beam, and Simon may have borne the lighter end. Certainly it is so with you; you do but carry the light end of the cross, Christ bore the heavier end.
And remember, though Simon had to bear the cross for a very little while, it gave him lasting honour. Even so the cross we carry is only for a little while at most, and then we shall receive the crown, the glory. Surely we should love the cross, and, instead of shrinking from it, count it very dear, when it works out for us “a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”

Caution: New Season Ahead

2006-04-03T08:32:00.001-05:00

Well, I just returned from the Ladies' Retreat called Encounter 2006. It featured speakers Carolyn Mahaney (visit her blog here) and Carolyn McCulley (author of Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?). If you are interested, I had the privilege of "live-blogging" the event along with my friend Sherri (read her blog here). The messages are all posted on her website. Certainly the more disorganized notes are the sessions I worked on, so apologies. Now, the burning question on anyone's mind who has read this far is most likely, what is the new season ahead? But I do have to talk about a couple of things first, before I get to me. :-) One of the highlights of our retreat was this. Our dear pastor's wife, Darby, did an excellent job of preparing in advance to bless the ladies who went on the retreat. She divided the names of all attending from our church and had some of the ladies assigned to pray for each. In addition, she asked that we who prayed would also write a note of encouragement and give a small gift to secretly place on their pillows in the hotel when we arrived. Of course, Darby "forgot" to put her own name on the list of ladies, so some of us figured that out and decided to take matters into our own hands. It was so exciting to put together a gift basket for her and suprise her with it on the trip. As a testimony to how much she means to our ladies, there was so much money given towards the basket that we ran out of ideas for what to give her, and ended up using the money to buy her dinner out the night we gave the gift. She is a precious blessing to our church and I am amazed by God's Sovereign grace in place her among our church body. We love you Darby!!!

And ok. so I had this list of things to do. And really we were encouraged on the ladies' retreat not to try and apply everything that we heard, but rather to choose one thing and seek to change in that area. Well I do have my one thing. But I got home from the retreat and, as expected, my kids and husband were all very glad to see me (trust me the feeling was mutual). The house looked, well, it looked like people had been living in it for a few days without me around to clean up. Also, as expected. Plus, I had picked up something icky while away. My kids both have colds, and JM has some kind of throat thing. So, not only do I have mother-starved kids, they are also sick kids, which makes them extra EXTRA clingy. I also have a husband who is sick, and we know how men act when they get sick. A mountain of laundry, a dirty house, plus all of the regular duties of the week. So. Want to hear what my one thing was? Contentment in any situation. :-) So far, by God's grace, I haven't had a meltdown. The passage in Peter keeps coming to mind.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies--in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. (1Pe 4:10-12)

I have been given a gift in the teachings of the weekend, and the break from the routine of daily life. Now I am to use this gift to serve my family...and serve by the strength God supplies. This is easier to claim on a day like today when I don't feel so well. And God can use this(?!), my dirty house and tired children, to glorify Himself. Wow! Finally, though I would not call this truly a "fiery trial" proper, I am so aware that 899 other women most likely came home to similar dirty houses, and I imagine a good number came home to sick kids. These are certainly common things, and again, the idea that the Lord could be glorified in the mundane hours of my Monday is astounding. And my agenda for the day? Well, the list has transformed from this:

1. Laundry
2. Grocery shopping
3. Bank
4. Meal Calendar for April
5. Plant out seedlings
6. Clean out leftovers
7. Bake Bread
8. Update Finances/Budget

to this:

1. Seek the Lord
2. Serve my kids
3. Leave the house fairly dirty

Leftovers Tuesday

2006-03-21T22:07:00.000-05:00

Tonite we had leftover pot roast for dinner. It was the kind of dinner that you keep eating because you think the next bite will taste a little better, a little more like what you remembered having a few nights ago...but it never gets quite that good. In the end you are satisfied, but not really. At least you are full. I think sometimes I can veiw my relationship with God the same way. Shame on me, I will experience the joy of a particular emotionally high time with the Lord, then I coast on that until it is the same feeling as Tuesday leftover dinner. I am not realizing that with God, it is always a feast! I mean, sure there are times in my life when I "feel" really close to God. But I am always His child. I will have the gift of salvation for all eternity, which in itself should spice up any old pot roast quiet time I can have. May I not walk in a manner unworthy of the calling I have received! Lord, teach me to love (all of) Your ways. Remind me that my joy is in my salvation, not my possession, and certainly not my circumstance. You are good to me all of my days, I am bound to eat at Your table for all eternity. What more could I ask?

Johnmark Tree Climbing (With a Chainsaw strapped to him, he's very proud of this)

2006-03-14T09:16:00.000-05:00

Johnmark and Tabby Fishing

2006-03-14T09:12:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart

2006-03-14T08:08:00.000-05:00

Today is my honey's 26th birthday. In light of the fact that he wants nothing remotely resembling a party, I will have to use my blog for the birthday "love gush". :-) You can always stop reading if it gets too gushy. :-)

I have been married to this man for almost *gasp four years now. I have known him closer to six. I still wonder sometimes what God was thinking by giving me such a gift in my husband. He got kind of a raw deal, while I walked away with a precious jewel from the Lord. My husband has been through a greal deal in his life; he is the oldest of ten children, which means a lot of responsibility to be a good example and a great servant. He has excelled as both. He is a strong, yet gentle leader. He does not fear change or heavily weighted situations (though I do). I am amazed by his patience, his steady vision, and his integrity even in the middle of intense challenge. He has also had "misfortunes" in his life. I say it that way because I don't think he would call them that. From breaking his back to rolling a farm tractor onto himself to crashing cars over the sides of mountains to hospitalizing eye injuries to house burnings, God has chosen to repeatedly test my husband in the fire. And by God's grace and power, he continues to come forth as gold. I cannot express the gratitude to God that I feel when I look into Johnmark's eyes. What amazing grace! If you read this post today, I would ask that you think of a way to encourage my husband. If you know him, please give him a call or send him an email expressing God's grace in his life. If you do not know him, please take a few moments to pray for him today. That would be the greatest birthday gift I could give him, the prayers of the saints. :-) Happy birthday, sweetheart!

Discipline

2006-03-07T10:17:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday, I really felt impressed by God with the following sentence: "Do not trade in the Disciplines of the Spirit for the Gifts of the Spirit." Our church, you see, is doing a lengthy study on the Spiritual Gifts, what they are, what they are for, which ones who has, etc. As I sense in my heart a desire to have these gifts and to walk in them, I know my temptation will be to less faithfully pursue spiritual disciplines, such as meditation and reading of Scripture, prayer, and the pursuit of holy living. After all, who wants discipline when there's presents laying around? Of course, God in His kindness has not left my heart in such a lazy selfish state. The power of Spiritual gifts is validated by one who is living in accordance with the Spirit of God. Or, as it says in Corinthians,

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."

I Corinthians 13:1-3

The love that I mean here is not merely a love of others, although that is important. I believe the primary love to which this passage is refering is a love of Other, as in God. From a love for God would flow a love of all others before self, and in particular a love for the saints and the local church. But I do not want to be blinded and miss that a love of God, of Christ, and of the Spirit supercedes all of these things. God says in His word, "If you love me, you will obey my commands." Seeking Him, reading the Word of God, and pursuing the mind of Christ are all necessary for Spiritual gifts to be most effective. I know that God can work through broken cisterns, but how much better to use a vessel set aside for His purpose. May the Lord draw my heart even more to Spiritual disciplines as I "eagerly desire the Spiritual gifts"!

March? What happened to February?

2006-03-02T08:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know it's been shamefully long since my last post. I am at a place now where I feel like so much has happened that nothing has and there's nothing to say. My kids have been sick for one thing. I have the ever-looming talk on Titus 2, and then there's regular daily life...it's warming up and I have been piddling some in my garden. My peas and turnips are just peeking out of the ground. The daffodils are blooming, along with my pear tree...which in the words of my friend Kim, "makes me feel like I'm way behind". I have a library book that is now a month overdue. Yipe! But I'm STILL not finished with it yet. I hope they don't send the library police after me. My brother-in-law got married last Saturday and my little girl and I were both a part of the ceremony. Johnmark's birthday is 12 days away. And so you see that so much has happened I can't really capture in a post. I will just have to move on. Two things on my mind today...let's see if I can get to them both. First, I wanted to share about one of my favorite times of prayer that I look forward to each week with total expectancy. At 9:00 on each Sunday morning (one hour before the service starts) a handful of us arrive to pray over the service. It is amazing how God moves during that time WITHOUT fail each week. Would that our entire church came to just one of these times to see and be blessed by the power of God. If you have something like this available to you on Sundays, please take advantage. There's no fuel for faith like the heartfelt, desperate prayers of some hungry believers on a Sunday morning. Ok ok, so what does this time look like, you ask? Well, a gentleman in our church sort of "leads" the time. I say this loosely because truly the Spirit of God leads it. Andy brings a passage of Scripture that the Lord has laid on him, or he may mention specific needs the pastor has requested us to pray about (e.g. faith for boldness, sensitivity, physical strength if he hasn't slept well) or sometimes we just pray. We bow our heads and cry out to God for his activity in our midst. We ask for vision, power, anointing of the leaders, sincerity in the worship, open hearts to the message, we pray for the congregation, both generally and naming specific names if the Spirit leads. We pray for visitors to come, we pray for Spiritual gifts to be used freely and without fear of man. Whatever the Lord lays on our hearts, we pray. And here's the AMAZING thing. God answers us. I know it sounds so simple, but when you cry out for 7 visitors to come and exactly that many do, or if you ask for Johnny So-and-so to receive ministry, and he goes forward at the end, or if you pray that God would touch single people and speak encouragement specifically to them, and the pastor stops the service just to pray for single people (having no prior knowledge of your prayer) it is astounding, it is faith-building, and man it makes you want to pray some more. And it makes me want to pray outside of that setting, like when my child has made the same mess for the fourth time in five minutes, I remember God's faithfulness and ask him to bless me with just a little more patience. Or when I am about to care for someone in a difficult place and have no idea what to do, I pray for God to speak through me and the Spirit to use me to bless this person. Oh, it's so powerful what God can use prayer to accomplish. And I don't think I have time to post on this other thing, at least not today. :-) Keep prayin!

What You See Is Weakness

2006-02-17T16:29:00.000-05:00

I am putting together a talk for the ladies at my church, most of which are 10+ years older than I am. The funny thing is that I am talking about part of the Titus 2 passage, which calls the older women to train the younger ones to love their husbands and kids, to be self-controlled, chaste, busy at home, etc. I stop with busy at home, because this is my topic. And I am so aware of my failures. And I am so aware of my age, my inexperience, and my general lack. However, I am called to this. The one who called me is not my pastor, my husband, or even the lady in charge of organizing the talks. Thankfully, it is the Lord who has called me to this. He is the only one upon whom I could rely in the midst of this Grand-Canyon sized expanse of weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness!" And I am so aware of it, the Lord has reminded me freshly just now of His power, and His plan being worked out in spite of my foolishness and failure. Here is how. I just checked my email. There was one in my inbox from someone named Katie. Now I made friends with a Katie at church recently, and thought she might have emailed me. Boy did the Lord ever blow me away when I opened the mail. It was not from my new friend, but from a total stranger. A sweet sister in the Lord that I have never met, but who by God's amazing grace has been blessed by my blog. Not even just this blog, but one I started in college years ago. When I look back at the things I had written there and see the weakness and the failings (but also the grace of God at work in me, changing my heart) I am amazed all over again. First, that something so filled with my sinfulness could be redeemed by God for good. Second, that Christ would in his kindness allow me to know of this goodness. Third, that this would come at just the right time in my life (this girl says she has read for a while, but just now got an account to share with me) when I needed to know of His power, His working, and His goodness. God is so awesome and so attentive to bless His children! So, to my new friend...thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your heart's cry for the Lord. He works in the midst of your failings and weakness. I pray that you would keep such a soft heart that longs after the things of God. He will not turn a deaf ear to one who knows their contrite position. The Lord knows you are but dust. Developing spiritual disciplines takes patience, humility, and faith in the mighty grace of God. A friend shared a story with me the other day and I wanted to share it in hopes of encouraging you. She said that she has made bread for years, but has recently decided to start making all of the bread their family will need instead of simply making it from time to time. At first, the bread did well some days, and others it did not rise so much, sometimes it turned out really crumbly, sometimes a little overcooked. However, she did not change the recipe. She simply dig in and contibue baking bread. After a little while she started making really great bread. It was better than she ever remembered. And it was consistently better than she remembered. She said sometimes that's what walking in the spiritual disciplines is like sometimes. We struggle, and we forget, and some days it just makes for a crummy, crumbly mess. But, if we persevere, eventually, the Lord will allow us to develop and make for much better things than we can ever remember having before. "Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up" Gal 6:9

A love for the Church

2006-02-08T09:14:00.000-05:00

Just had a friend of my husband's stop by, and while he was talking with Johnmark, he mentioned that his wife and family are praying and fasting today all day through dinner on behalf of the church. They are praying for the other members to have faith for this coming Sunday's service, as well as for care group. I stood in the kitchen, hearing this, and feeling the jealousy of God in my heart. He longs for me to love his bride in that way. I may not be in a season where fasting is a possibility (I am still nursing my son, and barely able to do that), but boy, God can still use my heart. May I have a heart that so longs after God and the furthering of His kingdom, that my day would be shaped by such a sacrificial love for others. Praise the Lord for such a beautiful gift!

Supreme Court Justices

2006-01-31T21:32:00.000-05:00

God has been merciful to our country in allowing President Bush to place two Supreme Court Justices this term. I would say that much of the controversy about the most recent addition, Justice Alito, centers around the Roe v. Wade desicion, which is 33 years old this month. Thank God for men like John Piper, who recently spoke to the issue of Abortion and our role as Christians. I would append to his message that we ought to pray that these conservative judges would have the oppurtunity to overrule and reverse the Roe v. Wade desicion once and for all. By the way, for those of us here in Athens, this is a list of the abortion clinics in our area, please join me in praying for the salvation of the employees, as well as for the (saved and unsaved) women who keep them in business:

A Preferred Women's Health Center
AUGUSTA, GEORGIA
2903 Professional Parkway up to 20 weeks

Northside Women's Clinic
3543 Chamblee-Dunwoody Road
Atlanta, Georgia 30341
*operating since 1969* up to 15 weeks

Dunwoody Women's Medical Group
3114 Mercer University Drive, Suite 100
Atlanta, Georgia 30341
*up to 14 weeks
This is written on their website:
Visitors: Each patient may bring one adult visitor. No children are allowed in the facility.

Atlanta Women's Medical Center
235 W Wieuca Rd
Atlanta, Georgia
*operating since 1975
up to 24.5 weeks...these babies actually have a fighting chance if born by this age.

Feminist Women's Health Center
1924 Cliff Valley Way
Atlanta, Georgia
*up to 24.5 weeks

Summit Medical Center
1874 Piedmont Rd
Atlanta, Georgia
*up to 24.5 weeks

End of the Month Eval.

2006-01-31T15:06:00.000-05:00

I can't believe January is over. That means it isn't really a new year anymore (unless you are Chinese). I only have 11/12's of 2006 left to live. How have I spent the time so far this year? I think there is much groundwork to do in establishing, so I would safely say this month has been spent trench-digging for the year. Planning a new schedule for my housecleaning/time management, preparing for a new church location, re-arranging furniture, planning for my garden this year. All preparation for things that will happen later. Something else I have "planned" for this year is/was to really be intentional about pursuing prayer over the first three months of the year. Not that prayer is only important to me during this time, but I do want to focus here for a bit, and then, by God's grace, move to another area and allow this one to continue without being the main focus. And I am already a third of the way through that time. Wow.

What has God done?

Recognize my dry bones, and encourage me to fill them with living water. Now that I have seen my growing need for times of prayer and fasting, it is time to pursue with my heart what I have understood with my mind. Johnmark and I were talking last night about our mutual desire to grow in the area of prayer, and in particular praying together. I am excited that the Lord would move on his heart as I am in this time of growing in commitment to and desire for prayer. Also, this past month the Lord has blessed me with countless oppurtunities to teach Tabitha about prayer, and how God answers her prayers. Example: She had a rash on her little bottom...ok briefly, she went to a friend's house to play and they decided to play dress-up, which means they had to take off their clothes and put on the costumes...well, Tabitha apparently decided diaper qualifies as clothes and took it off. Somehow the other little girl managed to loan her some panties, but regardless, she played for a while soaked in pee pee dress up clothes, and hence a rash on her bottom. So, I talked to her about Jesus fixing her bottom, and she prayed for him to heal her rash, and the next morning, it was totally gone. Totally. I had not put any cream on it, and it had hung on for several days prior to praying (I was actually becoming suspicious that it might be a staff infection) and boom! God heals her. So exciting to see the light go off in her head too. We have been praying for other people who are sick ever since.

So, I am greatly encouraged but also have a sense of urgency not to dimish, but rather increase my efforts and see what God has in store over this increasingly briefer season of prayer!

The Strife of learning SLOWLY

2006-01-26T10:24:00.000-05:00

As I walked around my house this morning, sweeping the floor and thinking about what I wanted to write today, I am increasingly fighting the desire to move away from this conviction of prayer. Taylor, move on, there's nothing new to say on this matter, you're floundering...clearly if you just started talking and thinking about this other topic, or just share what you're learning as you prepare to teach in March...and so my thoughts go. But, by God's grace, I also hear a still, small voice saying in the back of my mind "Stay." One simple word, that my steamroller brain wants to blow right past and call in the aftermath a meaningless swirl of dust and not the voice of the Almighty. I am learning now that just as a spiritual discipline becomes difficult, my human tendency is to charge away on some new valiant quest, of which I know there is an inexhaustible list (because I am so far from perfect). But I see that what makes a discipline called a discipline is that when the challenge of it requires you to dig in and continue in spite of the temptation to give up and move on to some more interesting or seemingly relevant task, you must resist and stay the course, crying out for more of God's grace and for your heart to wait on the Lord. To make a simple analogy, let's go back to my sweeping the floor. On many days I manage to get the kitchen swept alright, but as my broom moves closer to the living room and I think about all the furniture I have to move and how I also must walk all the way back to the laundry room to get the dustpan and how if I just look to my left I realize that there are a few dishes that still haven't been put in the dishwasher...and about half the time I lean my broom carefully over the little pile of crumbs and dust that I have swept and walk over to the sink to get these dishes washed; and sometimes at about 5:30 when my husband gets home from work, he makes his way to the couch, stepping across this same broom that has remained all day guarding the small pile of dust (which by neglect of being an unfinished task, the pile of dust is that much smaller), and then I see the broom for the first time all day, and I just can't believe I never got that done.
So now, my spiritual heart is looking around for some dishes! I need to perservere even more. I read a quote the other day that I have not been able to find again, but the gist of it went something like this: The more spiritual the task, the harder it is to cultivate this task. The simpler it may seem, the more difficult to master. I will continue to look for the actual quote, because I feel I have butchered it savagely just now, but my little son is crying for my attention in the other room and that will just have to do for now. :-)

2006-01-24T09:13:00.000-05:00

The following is from Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening (sorry if you are reading it, I read ahead to this evening's portion). Had a wonderful sermon this week about intimacy with Christ, and this freshly reminds me of the difference between acting as a disciple, and living as a disciple.

“Martha was cumbered about much serving.”
- Luk_10:40
Her fault was not that she served: the condition of a servant well becomes every Christian. “I serve,” should be the motto of all the princes of the royal family of heaven. Nor was it her fault that she had “much serving.” We cannot do too much. Let us do all that we possibly can; let head, and heart, and hands, be engaged in the Master’s service. It was no fault of hers that she was busy preparing a feast for the Master. Happy Martha, to have an opportunity of entertaining so blessed a guest; and happy, too, to have the spirit to throw her whole soul so heartily into the engagement. Her fault was that she grew “cumbered with much serving,” so that she forgot him, and only remembered the service. She allowed service to override communion, and so presented one duty stained with the blood of another. We ought to be Martha and Mary in one: we should do much service, and have much communion at the same time. For this we need great grace. It is easier to serve than to commune. Joshua never grew weary in fighting with the Amalekites; but Moses, on the top of the mountain in prayer, needed two helpers to sustain his hands. The more spiritual the exercise, the sooner we tire in it. The choicest fruits are the hardest to rear: the most heavenly graces are the most difficult to cultivate. Beloved, while we do not neglect external things, which are good enough in themselves, we ought also to see to it that we enjoy living, personal fellowship with Jesus. See to it that sitting at the Saviour’s feet is not neglected, even though it be under the specious pretext of doing him service. The first thing for our soul’s health, the first thing for his glory, and the first thing for our own usefulness, is to keep ourselves in perpetual communion with the Lord Jesus, and to see that the vital spirituality of our religion is maintained over and above everything else in the world.

Abortion

2006-01-22T21:58:00.000-05:00

This link is not for everyone, it is extrmemly graphic and disturbing, but as the site states, it needs to be seen. My heart is broken.

January is Time to Organize

2006-01-18T09:40:00.000-05:00

Things to do, things to do! I am so aware of all the possibilities available to devote my time to. They increase exponentially as time passes, I suppose. My struggle is to do what God has called me to, even if it's not my choice and even if it may appear peripheral to what I consider my "life" i.e. my priorities. Persevering in prayer is definitely one of those areas. It seems so often to be a take-it-or-leave-it category to my day. Lord, change my heart! Proverbs 31:1-2 in particular comes to my mind:

The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:
What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows?

The implication of this verse is the praying "vows" of the mother. I am called as the Proverbs 31 woman to be in prayer for my children. It teaches me that relying on my own wit, intuition, strength and creativity simply will not do. I NEED God's help, his wisdom, his will revealed, his power as my only true hope for success in parenting my kids. How easily I forget my needs in the midst of their sin. I am so quick to "handle it myself" and not pause to ask for help from my heavenly Father. But not only that, I need to be interceding for my kids. Asking the Lord to help them, strengthen them, draw their tender hearts to himself, to bless them, and encourage them (through me and their dad primarily).

Aside from devoting some time each day to this task (not to mention all the times I cry out in the moment of need, Lord HELP!) there are other ways I am seeking to grow. I am reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot called Keep a Quiet Heart, which really has helped to adjust my perspective about seeing the interruptions of my day as work that God has called me to, instead of mere inconveniences. Not just in terms of these times being oppurtunities to exercise patience, grace, etc. but moreso along the lines of this being what I am to be about, in spite of my notions about what is an important or noteworthy task. Seeing my day as the Lord's and not my own, and cheerfully moving through it with this perspective will do my heart a world of good. I do earnestly desire such a quiet heart!

Nothing Important

2006-01-13T09:38:00.000-05:00

Hey! I really should be writing a nice long meaningful post, but instead, since it's Friday...I have a really great blonde joke to pass along. :-) Enjoy...

The Gospel and Prayer

2006-01-10T09:44:00.000-05:00

14. Begin prayer each day confining yourself to giving thanks for the Cross and the effects of the Cross in your life.

Wow! That piece of advice has been sitting on my refrigerator for two years. And it hasn't really hit me until last night what a powerful tool prayer can be in orienting my life to the gospel. I have always loved John Piper's definition of prayer because it is so simple. Prayer is asking. How true. So, strictly speaking, I would say that giving thanks is possibly a tunnel or state of heart through which prayer can be expressed. How kind of God that it is also a means of grace to us. When I begin by thanking God for the Cross, it reminds me of His love for me and for the price of my salvation (being the very blood of Christ incarnate). I am instantly humbled, and aware of the great chasm of need and weakness that I am. I am instantly uplifted, because I know how my Great God has foreseen these weaknesses and shortcomings and before my birth has made provision for them. I am filled with joy and faith. I now feel comfort in asking my Heavenly Father, because He will answer me. I ask boldly, because I am so aware of the power of God, He can indeed do anything. I also ask based on the Cross, i.e. because of the great price paid for my salvation and the great love shown to me by my former enemy, my heart's desire is to grow in closeness to this Savior and to become as much like this great Lover of my soul as is possible. All of these things are the tip of the iceberg...I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. All this from the life-giving gospel applied to the gift of prayer. What an amazing, kind, God we serve!

P.S. The initial statement comes from a handout I received from C.J. Mahaney entitled "18 Suggestions to help keep the Main thing the Main thing:"

Sick-O

2006-01-06T12:16:00.000-05:00

I have the flu...

Young Wife Epiphany (Quickie)

2006-01-04T10:41:00.000-05:00

I was just in our guest (i.e. junk) room, cleaning up, when I found a couple of notes written to my husband in college. He attended a Baptist college for his first two years, and I guess they had "Affirmation Cubbies" that students were encouraged to use to spur one another on. Not sure, but anyway, reading briefly through the notes, I had an epiphany. My husband NEEDS my encouragement. Duh. To further this point...apparently, my mother-in-law kept journals for each of her children (she has ten by the way) which recorded times when they blessed her in various ways. Well, this Christmas, she gave my husband his journal, and for our car trip home, he asked me to read it out loud to him while we drove the 2 hour trek back to Athens. There were a couple of (in my opinion) really sweet, maybe even *gasp* sappy remarks in there, and whenever I laughed after reading one, I noticed it really kind of offended my husband. Hmm... could it be that once again, my precious, Godly mother-in-law knows something that I do not? :-) She understood her sons' need for encouragement. I am so often there to poke fun at him in the Elizabeth Darcy fashion, when I need to be my husband's biggest fan, always there to point out to him areas where he is succeeding (by God's grace) and even to the point of sappiness, he feeds off of this encouragement. In my opinion, this type of encouragement is really giving due respect with joy. The Bible commands several times in Scripture that the wife ought to respect her husband. Eph 5:33, 1 Peter 3:1-2, 1 Tim. 3:7 (command includes wives)

What I don't mean is that I ought to flatter my husband, or puff him up with pride...rather, I am to give him Gospel-centered encouragement, reminding him that any progress he makes is a result of the price paid for him on the cross, and according to the enabling work of the Holy Spirit within him. However, while he runs the race, I am to cheer him on. Yay for my sweet Johnmark!!!

Wednesday Proverbs

2006-01-04T09:21:00.000-05:00

First, 411 message... I think this prayer topic is something I want to really take seriously and address with a lot more fullness than a couple of off-the-cuff blogs can do. Unlike some of my more prolific friends, I will need time to research, pray, and plan as I prepare to take this subject on. And please understand my purpose here is not to preach, but to clearly express my own convictions as well as the valuable instruction found in God's Word in order to encourage and possibly challenge the reader. (Rest assured, most of what I post will be something for which I too am striving, not an area where I have "arrived"). In any case, I will not continue today with that post. Probably will resume next Tuesday.

For now,

I have been reading in Proverbs for about the past month and have been setting aside a list of verses that particularly convict or otherwise capture my thinking for Christ and my pursuit of Godly living. I think it will benefit me (and hopefully you) to expound on some of these same verses. Today's Proverb is:

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." ~Prov. 12:25

which I think particularly speaks to me when seen through the spectacles of this verse:

"But you have come...to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel." ~Hebrews 12:22-24

These two verses provide great reason for joy without ceasing! When I am tempted to fear or worry because my children won't listen, or when I fear that my husband won't make his fiscal goal for the month and we won't get paid, or for any other reason under the sun...THIS speaks a better word than all my fears have to say. In fact, it quite silences them. Thank you Jesus for the better word of your precious blood!

"What can wash away my sin?
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood, nothing but the blood of Jesus!

What can wash me pure as snow?

Welcomed as the friend of God

Nothing but your blood, nothing but your blood, King Jesus"
~Nothing but the Blood, Matt Redman

Personal Reflections on Prayer

2006-01-03T11:31:00.000-05:00

I think it would be wise for me to limit my daily blogtime to about fifteen minutes. Thankfully, I have had the chance to sit and think both yesterday and today. I am still wrestling with the discipline of prayer. I am so amazed by the movement away from prayer that I find creeping into the church at large. One book that I read years ago called Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire really affected my heart toward prayer. Now, I am not talking about canned, Sunday School style praying for "unspoken" requests and your great aunt evelyn's neighbor's dog to be healed of corns. I am talking about heart wrenching realization of your utter need for God, and crying out from the deep places in your heart for His intervention, sustanence, and favor. I am talking about seeking His face and learning to ask Him to show you what to pray when you don't know. Believe me, God will answer that request. One thing in particular that I had never come to realize was that true prayer calls for humility. Now, I know this may not be rocket science to some, but walking backwards from why we pray to why we don't pray helped me to realize that I wasn't asking God because I didn't think I needed Him. I think I will have to close for now, but I am planning to write more later about this topic.

2006-01-02T21:44:00.000-05:00

I'm the brunette...

My Family

2006-01-02T08:32:00.000-05:00

New Year (a day late)

2006-01-02T07:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I suppose the New Year makes for a good excuse to start blogging. My six month old son is the reason I am here. (He's seated behind me...babbling loudly for my attention, both kids woke up with a fever this morning). The biggest thing on my spiritual plate these days is discipline. I don't mean trouble, although sometimes it feels this way. I mean choosing what is best in a fallen world, particularly what is best to devote my time to. Things distract me constantly. I think as a young mother I even have distractions from my distractions. :-) But one thing is clear to me from Scripture. This life is not to be taken lightly. It is a cosmic battle for the eternal souls of all people and I have been ordained as a warrior, like it or not. There's no point hiding in the fields eating cucumbers when I ought to be sharpening my sword and practicing my charge. The challenge for me is to live as though I truly believe in the God I call my Savior.
I also tend to be an extrmemist, spending one week devoted entirely to scripture reading (to the neglect of my home and family), the next week I don't crack the Bible because I feel such conviction for ignoring my husband and kids, and the following week off on selfish pursuits and laziness because I "need a break" from all the housework and child-rearing. What a mess, but boy am I ever amazed by the grace of God!

The First Light

2005-11-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

I can think of no better way to start this journey than to include the Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards that he wrote at the age of 19-20 years. I have highlighted ones that speak loudest to my heart.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad's of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.
2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new invention and contrivance to promote the aforementioned things.
3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.
4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.
5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.
6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.
7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.
9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.
10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.
11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances don't hinder.
12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.
13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.
14. Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.
15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger to irrational beings.
16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.
17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
18. Resolved, to live so at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.
19. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.
20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.
21. Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.
(Resolutions 1 through 21 written in on setting in New Haven in 1722)
22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power; might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.
23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God's glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.
24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.
25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.
26. Resolved, to east away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.
27. Resolved, never willfully to omit anything, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.
28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.
30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.
31. Resolved, never to say anything at all against anybody, but when it is
perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.
32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that in Prov. 20:6, "A faithful man who can find?" may not be partly fulfilled in me.
33. Resolved, always to do what I can towards making, maintaining, establishing and preserving peace, when it can be without over-balancing detriment in other respects. Dec.26, 1722.
34. Resolved, in narrations never to speak anything but the pure and simple verity.
35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.
36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.
37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent, what sin I have committed, and wherein I have denied myself: also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec.22 and 26, 1722.
38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord's day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.
39. Resolved, never to do anything that I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or no; except I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.
40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.
41. Resolved, to ask myself at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly in any respect have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.
42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.
43. Resolved, never henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God's, agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12. Jan.12, 1723.
44- Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. Jan.12, 1723.
45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan.12 and 13.1723.
46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eve: and to be especially careful of it, with respect to any of our family.
47. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented, easy, compassionate, generous, humble, meek, modest, submissive, obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable, even, patient, moderate, forgiving, sincere temper; and to do at all times what such a temper would lead me to. Examine strictly every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5,1723.
48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or no; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.
49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.
50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.
51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.
52. I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.
53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.
54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.
55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.
56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.
57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether ~ have done my duty, and resolve to do it; and let it be just as providence orders it, I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.
58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May27, and July 13, 1723.
59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July ii, and July 13.
60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.
61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.
62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty; and then according to Eph. 6:6-8, do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man; "knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord." June 25 and July 13, 1723.
63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. Jan.14' and July '3' 1723.
64. Resolved, when I find those "groanings which cannot be uttered" (Rom. 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those "breakings of soul for the longing it hath," of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be wear', of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton's 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug.10 1723.
66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.
67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what good I have got by them, and what I might have got by them.
68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. Aug. 11, 1723.
70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak. Aug. 17, 1723